Shit Photo 1- Greetings from my new bloke… an island?

Dating profiles feature some bizarre photos. There’s the guy who thinks the toilet selfie is a great opening shot. There’s a whole group of “hard” guys posing with tigers on Tinder. Other men decide to include a “select” group of ten or more family and friends in their picture (because who doesn’t love playing Where’s Wally? and trying to decipher who the actual bloke in question is.)


I saw a profile of one bloke recently who took a shirtless shot. Unlike the vast majority who decide to do this in order to show off their ripped chest and abs, he had a keg and probably should’ve kept it a secret for a later date. It screamed, “I was too lazy to put on a shirt! And I couldn’t be arsed or am too stupid to crop this photo!” So that’s a winner right there.


The website eHarmony allows users to establish contact through different methods. You can send a smile (to initially show interest and show you understand an emoji when you see one), you can use one of the site’s own questions (if you’re shy or unimaginative) or you can free-wheel. Here’s a thought… don’t go bombarding people with questions straight of the bat. It is irritating and presumptuous cos they may not even be interested in you! It’s also especially annoying if you can’t be stuffed putting up actual photos of yourself and use random landscapes as your profile pictures. It gives the impression you’re a a) catfish b) criminal c) unable to operate a camera or d) a One Nation supporter. And no one is gonna introduce you to their friends and family with, “My new bloke is an island. Yes, literally an island.” Instead that shit is just going to get you blocked.


Beware taking the free-wheel option. Don’t go sending messages describing commitment and marriage straight up. Most women will probably give you the number of a great mail order bride company… and then run.


With the royal wedding upon us I’m sure there are some people who feel their hearts and minds are restored in the monarchs, the power of love and all that other mushy stuff. But perhaps we need to take a leaf out of their books and show some decorum. Because otherwise we’ll be forever destined to sit alone and sing U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” Nothing wrong with that if that’s your choice, but don’t go using it as a song on your wedding day. That causes its own suite of shit… and that’s a blog post for another day.



If this is your camera... you need a new one!
If this is your camera… you need a new one!